Aligning Money Values with Your Partner The Amida Way

July is the season of celebration, relationships, and connection with Amida. This month, we honor the relationships in our lives (friendships, parental, love, & more!). That being said, today we begin a 2 Part Series: Financial Values In Relationships. In other words, financial harmony! At Amida, we help hundreds of couples better navigate financial talks. In this blog, you will learn techniques that have helped our clients significantly.

Oftentimes, relationships become more connected once wealth is involved. Don’t believe us? Here’s how:

But First, What Are Financial Values?

Financial values is how you value money is your life, and where those values come from. For example, do you see money as security or freedom? Do you think there is abundance or do you feel a lack? Your value systems dictate your attitude and aptitude towards money. Oftentimes, these beliefs come from how we were raised and money conversations that took place at home.

It is important to understand what money means to you, and how you see money through the topics discussed in your relationships; such as;

• Financial Transparency: This value involves being open and honest about individual financial situations, including income, debts, and financial goals. Transparency helps build trust and facilitates effective financial planning as a couple.
• Shared Financial Goals: This value emphasizes the importance of setting and working towards common financial objectives. It involves discussing and aligning goals such as saving for a house, planning for retirement, or starting a family.
• Communication & Collaboration: This value focuses on open and constructive communication about financial matters. It involves discussing money-related decisions, and financial allocation.
• Regular Financial Check-Ins: This value involves scheduling regular discussions about finances to assess progress towards goals, and address any concerns or changes. Regular check-ins help maintain transparency, address issues promptly, and adjust financial plans as needed.

Remember, financial values in a relationship are subjective and can vary based on individual preferences, cultural backgrounds, and personal experiences. That being said, here are some ways you can better understand your partner’s value system.

How To Better Understand Your Partner & Their Financial Values

The first key is to understand your partner and their values system. For example, what are your goals as a couple? While this question may seem simple, individual financial values need to be discovered first. Here are some of the hints that we found fruitful:

First, Ask Questions

Financial attitudes and behaviors are often influenced by family values and the way money was managed and discussed during childhood. Parents’ financial habits and beliefs can leave lasting imprints on their children’s financial mindset.

If you want to understand each others’ value systems ask questions like; How did your parents handle money, and how did your grandparents handle money? In other words, for some people money may represent security, and for others’ it may represent freedom. Be present to the differences. For example, someone who sees money as security may be inclined to save more money. In contrast, someone who sees money as freedom may be more inclined to spend. In other words, if this does not become present in the relationship – resentment could occur. That being said, it is essential to become clear to where the values stem from, and as a result solutions and a common ground can be found. That brings us to our next point.

Second, Set Money Dates

When there is a financial misalignment, money dates may be your solution! Amida suggests minimum one per month; however, two is usually best. We create money dates to better understand each other, and our values. Life is constantly changing… As a result, it is important to come together and re-asses personal and joint goals. In other words, come together twice a month to establish financial unity. Here’s a simple checklist for your next money date:

• Schedule Regular Money Dates: Set a recurring date on the schedule for money dates, such as once a month or once in the beginning of month, and once at the end. Consistency is key!
• Choose a Comfortable Setting: Find a comfortable and relaxed environment where you and your partner can have focused conversations without distractions. It could be at home, in a coffee shop, or any place where you both feel at ease.
• Prepare an Agenda: Before each money date, create an agenda outlining the topics you want to discuss. This could include allocation, savings goals, debt management, investments, or any other financial topics that need to be discussed.
• Review Financial Goals: Take the time to review and evaluate your financial goals together. Discuss short-term and long-term objectives, such as saving for a down payment, paying off debt, or planning for retirement. Assess progress and make adjustments if needed.

Remember, money dates should be a constructive and collaborative experience. This is not a judgement date, this more of an open-hearted conversation about how you feel about each topic, and where that feeling comes from. Maintain open and respectful communication, actively listen to each other’s perspectives, and work together towards shared financial goals.

Third, Create Separate & Joint Accounts

Having both separate and joint accounts in a relationship can offer several benefits and contribute to a healthy financial dynamic between partners. Here are some reasons why having separate and joint accounts can be essential:

• Independence and Autonomy: Separate accounts allow each partner to maintain financial independence and autonomy. It provides a sense of personal ownership and control over individual finances, enabling individuals to manage their own expenses, and personal savings.
• Personal Financial Goals: Separate accounts give individuals the opportunity to pursue their personal financial goals and aspirations. Each partner can save and invest for their own objectives, such as education, hobbies, or personal development, without relying solely on joint resources.
• Shared Financial Responsibilities: Joint accounts are valuable for managing shared expenses and responsibilities. It allows couples to pool their financial resources for common goals such as housing costs, utility bills, childcare expenses, or other joint financial obligations. Amida recommends creating a joint account for partnership values. For example, if in your partnership travel is essential we recommend creating a Savings Joint Travel Account (travel money fund). In other words, bring your values together and create more wealth.

Amida Wealth Family Conversations

At your next family or friends gathering, share this blog! Encourage those around you to become more curious about their own financial values. Perhaps, you have a friend or family member that may hold resentment towards their partner for financial reasons. Expand their perspective, and offer the solutions listed in this blog for guidance.

Here are some books that explore the topic of financial values and relationships:

• “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” by John M. Gottman and Nan Silver
• “Money Harmony: Resolving Money Conflicts in Your Life and Relationships” by Olivia Mellan and Sherry Christie
• “The Couple’s Guide to Financial Compatibility: Avoid Fights about Spending and Saving—and Build a Happy and Secure Future Together” by Jeff Motske: This guide offers tools and exercises to help couples understand their money personalities, address financial differences, and work towards a shared financial vision.

Final Thoughts

Above all, the key is to understand each other, understand your value system, and understand what you want to achieve as a couple and individually.

Stay tuned for next week, as we dive deeper into the topic of financial values in relationships! Remember, it is always a good idea to work with a financial advisor that understands the value money system and how to guide you through it. Remember, you never have to walk this path of wealth alone. Amida is always one phone call and email away!